I'll never sleep again

For those of you who don't know, Iowa boasts, arguably, the greatest state fair in all the land. farmers, freaks, hicks and hellions all convene in east des moines for two weeks toward the end of august to partake in agricultural showcasing, deep fried carnival food fare, hog callin' contests, cow pie tossin' championships, washed up rock n roll bands, arts and crafts, antiques and old-timey midway carnival rides.

Anyhoo, this past summer my friend claibourne came to visit me from virginia. and i decided it would be good to take her to the fair. and, of course, it was pouring rain the entire time we were there. (i have incredible timing) as the afternoon sogged on we sloshed our sorry asses to the sky lift chairs. we decided to take one last walk about before giving up for dryer clothing. when we got off the lift at the far side of the fairgrounds we noticed that we were right next to the antique barn. now, i don't know about you but i love looking through old nick-nacks from the last 150 years. some of the stuff that's wound up in the attics of farm houses and big creepy corner houses in the little railroad towns in the middle of nowhere never ceases to intrigue me. not to mention that in this barn was a group of old folks singing bluegrass karaoke tunes while the rest of the seniors had slowed down barn dance. it was totally adorable. i love old people. when they aren't driving. but especially old farm folks. there's just something eternally badass about them.

so, claibourne and i are making our way through the labyrinth of faded, rusty treasures from generations of iowans, when i see her just stop. she reaches over and picks something up, and slowly turns around to face me. she slowly raises what she had picked up and at the same time lowers her head. i am now face to face with one of the creepiest things i've ever seen. i have no idea how old this little baby doll was, but it did appear to be dead, as it's eyes had begun to corrode and were permanently in the state of rolled back. it looked like a dead toddler. she kept holding it out towards me, i assume hoping that i would remove her burden, but instead, being the jackass i am, i pulled out my phone and took a picture of it and said, "well, i'm never sleeping again, i might as well have my excuse documented."