i got a fever...

this past summer i went home to visit my folks in ames, iowa. while i was there we were hit by major flooding. without clean water for several days. which, in the grand scheme of things, ain't shit. but there was massive flood damage to businesses and homes and many people were displaced. during this time i decided to get a temp job doing flood clean up. the place where i was assigned was the unfortunately located and lazily named, riverside nursing home. the water had come up so fast that it blasted out a nearly foot thick wall and filled the basement with a vile river sludge five feet high. it was insane. luckily i have a beard. i say this because i was one of the only goons not assigned to shovel the basement, as my respirator couldn't seal tight to my face and therefor i would have been breathing in some inhuman stench. anyhoot. my assignment was various cleaning on the residential level. one particular day (of the entire month we all spent there) i was disinfecting a room and noticed something hanging off the side of one of the hospital beds that made me laugh. dangling from a rubber cord was a silver cowbell. so i snapped a picture and sent it to a bunch of friends via text message with the following phrase "you know what this bed needs? more cowbell. fever: cured" a la the old "more cowbell" saturday night live blue oyster cult sketch. which brings up a funny side note. back in the summer of 2006 i happened to see blue oyster cult in atlanta. and, as you might have guessed, people brought cowbells. but did they wait until "don't fear the reaper"? hell no. it was probably only about 10 or 15 that actually showed up with them but it sounded like 3/4 of the audience had them at the time. every song. the entire song. 500 assholes with cowbells. donk! donk! donk! donk! donk! there was nothing not hilarious about it. oh well, they seemed to be good sports about it. i mean, i'm pretty sure they had a spike in album sales due to the sketch anyway. no such thing as bad publicity, i suppose. DONK!

I'll never sleep again

For those of you who don't know, Iowa boasts, arguably, the greatest state fair in all the land. farmers, freaks, hicks and hellions all convene in east des moines for two weeks toward the end of august to partake in agricultural showcasing, deep fried carnival food fare, hog callin' contests, cow pie tossin' championships, washed up rock n roll bands, arts and crafts, antiques and old-timey midway carnival rides.

Anyhoo, this past summer my friend claibourne came to visit me from virginia. and i decided it would be good to take her to the fair. and, of course, it was pouring rain the entire time we were there. (i have incredible timing) as the afternoon sogged on we sloshed our sorry asses to the sky lift chairs. we decided to take one last walk about before giving up for dryer clothing. when we got off the lift at the far side of the fairgrounds we noticed that we were right next to the antique barn. now, i don't know about you but i love looking through old nick-nacks from the last 150 years. some of the stuff that's wound up in the attics of farm houses and big creepy corner houses in the little railroad towns in the middle of nowhere never ceases to intrigue me. not to mention that in this barn was a group of old folks singing bluegrass karaoke tunes while the rest of the seniors had slowed down barn dance. it was totally adorable. i love old people. when they aren't driving. but especially old farm folks. there's just something eternally badass about them.

so, claibourne and i are making our way through the labyrinth of faded, rusty treasures from generations of iowans, when i see her just stop. she reaches over and picks something up, and slowly turns around to face me. she slowly raises what she had picked up and at the same time lowers her head. i am now face to face with one of the creepiest things i've ever seen. i have no idea how old this little baby doll was, but it did appear to be dead, as it's eyes had begun to corrode and were permanently in the state of rolled back. it looked like a dead toddler. she kept holding it out towards me, i assume hoping that i would remove her burden, but instead, being the jackass i am, i pulled out my phone and took a picture of it and said, "well, i'm never sleeping again, i might as well have my excuse documented."

Never not silly

i am a firm believer in the fact that life is ridiculous if you actually take the time to really pay attention to your surroundings. i've been taking pictures with my worthless camera phone for the last five years or so, but since i knew not how to save pictures to this infinite web thingy, i have lost about 3+ years of pictures. so, in the spring of '09 i learned how to do this whole mobile uploading thing with facebook and myspace and such. i know, i'm as techno savvy as neosporin slathered on a motherboard. (salve-y). gross. anyhoo, i have decided to go through my archives find my favorite pictures and give a little story on each one. bare in mind that i'm only armed with a camera phone, so if you're looking for ansel adams quality shots you're barkin' up the wrong damn tree. this is my new spare time project for the upcoming year. so come by and have a look and hopefully a laugh or two. but, mostly, remember to look around you. ridiculous is everywhere.